


Undisclosed Desires

by EquusGirl (EquusGirl0621)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Concussions, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hair Braiding, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Mission Fic, Past Child Abuse, Sharing a Bed, Trauma, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22077331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EquusGirl0621/pseuds/EquusGirl
Summary: When Han accepted a mission that involved pretending to be Leia's husband, he didn't expect to it be quite such an emotional roller coaster. But since when does anything involving Leia Organa go as planned?
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo
Comments: 22
Kudos: 112





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holidays Jakku-Princess! I tried to include a variety of your favorite things (since a lot of them are my favorite things too haha). I hope you enjoy this fic as much as I have enjoyed creating it for you! It's broken into two chapters since the idea sorta got away from me. I hope to have the second chapter up soon!

  
**═══════════════**  


“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Leia exclaimed, staring at the dress she was meant to wear for tonight. At least the designer had respected Leia’s request for a level of modesty and her preference for white. But the dress was a beautiful illusion. With a sheer and fitted bodice, Leia now knew why the designer had included a nude colored corset with the ensemble. The skirt was fitted through her hips flaring out into ruffles in an asymmetrical line starting at her left hip. Glittering stones were sewn in floral patterns scattered about the bodice and hips. But the problem? Over a hundred covered buttons going down the back of the dress. Hadn’t the designer ever heard of zippers?

“Everything alright?” Han asked from the other side of the bathroom door. Leia sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. Oh, what she wouldn’t give for a pair of her handmaidens right now. Not some hotshot pilot she knew wanted to get her in bed.

“For the most part; I need your help though.” She dug through the bottom of the bag, looking for the button hook she knew had to be included. 

“Yeah, okay.” 

With button hook and dress in hand, she took a steadying breath and whispered a quick prayer to the Goddess for patience before opening the door and putting her best mission face on. 

Whatever he must have expected it obviously wasn’t Leia in a corset, stockings, and garters. She couldn’t keep the small smirk off her face as his eyes widened sweeping over her body before snapping up to her face, a flush rising up his neck. At least he had the decency to not make a lewd comment now. “First, I need you to help me into this contraption someone deemed a dress,” she said, holding up the offending garment. 

To his credit, he managed to rearrange his features into neutrality as he nodded. “And second?” 

She tossed the button hook to him, her smirk growing as his eyebrows knitted together. “I need you to button me into it.” She showed him the long line of covered buttons down the back and his eyes widened once more. “Apparently they don’t have zippers here. Think you can handle all that, flyboy?” She asked, cocking an eyebrow and giving him a challenging smile. The only way any of them would get through this with their insanity intact was to try to have a sense of humor about it. 

He answered her smile with a cocky grin. “I dunno, Sweetheart. ‘M a lot better at takin’ dresses off.” 

She rolled her eyes. “I have to be wearing a dress before you can take it off, laserbrain.” She’d also require his assistance in getting out of it later tonight. 

“Well let’s get it on ya, then,” he said, pocketing the button hook and reaching for the dress. She handed it over to him with a threat to not let the delicate sheer fabric snag. His eyebrows knitted together once more as he held the dress up, twisting and turning it as he examined it. “How you wanna do this?” 

Leia considered the dress, trying to figure out the best way to get into it without damaging it, smudging her makeup, or fucking up her hair. “Hold it up above your head by the neckline and I’ll sort of...just crawl up into it.” He nodded and did as he was told. Gently gathering the ruffled hem, she carefully lifted it up and guided the skirts over her head, taking care to protect her hours of painstaking work. The overbust corset didn’t exactly help matters as it restricted her movement. “Now carefully lower it. You mess up my hair or makeup and I swear by the Force, I will blast you,” she said, glaring at him through the sheer fabric. 

He fixed her with another cocky grin. “No, you won’t. Y’still need me to get you in ‘n out of this damned thing.” His fingers brushed her skin as he settled the garment on her shoulders. She swallowed and suppressed a shiver, pushing her arms through the sleeves. 

Heat swept through her veins as he looked down at her and she couldn’t suppress the shiver this time. The way he was staring at her, not like a piece of meat—something to be consumed—but as though she was some priceless piece of art; something beautiful and awe-inspiring. Heat prickled at the back of her neck and she had to fight the urge to duck her head. She would not back down and give any indication that she was the least bit affected. It didn’t help that he was still standing so close to her that she could feel the warmth radiating off his body.

She cleared her throat and pursed her lips. “The buttons aren’t going to fasten themselves,” she said, adopting her best haughty royal tone as she raised her chin.

He blinked and the electricity between them dissipated as he gave her a lopsided grin. “Relax, Your Highnessness.” Leia rolled her eyes and turned on her heel with a swish of her skirts. “Uh, y’think you could stand on a table or somethin’? You’re…” Oh, he was lucky he let that sentence go unfinished. 

She twisted around and scanned their shared suite. “Is the desk _tall_ enough for you, Captain?” she sniffed. 

He spread his hands out, adopting the very air of innocence. “Hey s’not my fault you’re—”

“Go ahead and finish that sentence. I _dare_ you,” she growled, narrowing her eyes. He held up his hands, wisely choosing to keep silent. She carefully gathered her skirt up and crossed to the desk pushed against the far wall. 

“Here,” he murmured from over her shoulder, offering a hand to steady her. Deciding it was better to allow him to help her than to potentially damage the dress, she reluctantly accepted it. His skin was warm and rough just as it always was.. She ignored the electricity that seemed to crackle under her skin at every slide of his calloused skin against hers.

They didn’t speak again until she was securely on top of the desk with her back to him. 

“Uhhh…”

He sounded so deeply uncomfortable she forced herself to soften her tone. “What?”

“I, uh.” She heard the rustle of clothing as he shifted around behind her. “I’m not—I wouldn’t—I want you to know I’m not gonna try to cop a feel,” he said. A smile spread across her face. As rakish as he could be, Han was always respectful when it mattered. 

“I know; I trust you,” she said gently. She heard him let out a breath and she could almost seem him nod in her mind. 

“I’m gonna start then.” She nodded silently, her heart beating faster as the fabric of her dress moved across her skin while he began the long task of securing each tiny covered button. She closed her eyes and forced down the rising heat in the pit of her stomach. 

If you’d told her two and a half years ago, that she’d trust Han to keep his hands to himself in this situation, she’d have laughed and questioned your sanity. But she _did_ trust him. They’d been in so many compromising situations at this point, from sharing beds to sharing body heat. And it’d been a long time since she had to question whether it wise to put her life in his hands. Han was unquestionably one of the people she trusted most in the galaxy. As infuriating as he could be some days and despite how often he threatened to leave. 

“Kriff,” he muttered darkly, “why d’they have t’be so damn small?”

She chuckled. “I think I’m going to keep track of how many times you swear during this process,” she said, a grin stretching across her face. If she had Threepio here, she’d also have him keep track of just how many different curses he used. 

“Go for it, Sweetheart,” he said with a small chuckle. And then, “ _Fuck._ ” 

She dropped her head, silently shaking with laughter. Part of her felt horrible for laughing at him but this was the absolute last situation she’d imagined for their night. “Three.” 

“Whatcha gonna do when I say ‘fuck’ in some language you don’t understand? Huh? What then?” Leia had to stifle a gasp as his knuckle brushed the back of her thigh, setting fire to her skin as though he’d burned her. She squeezed her eyes shut, heat pooling low in her stomach. _Goddess._ Images flashed in her mind and she had to fight her way back to the present. _He asked you a question._

“I suppose my data will be off,” she said with a shrug, hoping she didn’t sound as breathless as she felt. 

“Hey, Princess, do us a favor and try not t’move. Makes my job harder.” His voice gave no indication whether he’d noticed her lapse in control. Either he was being kind or he was just too distracted to notice. 

“Noted. Sorry,” she murmured. 

“S’alright.” 

After about his twentieth curse and innumerable Corellian mutterings, she decided to try to break the tension. “Hey, Han?” He grunted. “Bet this wasn’t the way you imagined having me over a desk,” she said wryly.

It paid off. Kind of. He made an odd spluttering noise and she heard the clatter of the button hook on the desk quickly followed by yet another _kriff_. She couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up in her chest. 

“Sweetheart, y’never fail to supercede my imagination, I’ll tell y’that.” 

She was so thankful she was facing away from him as it was impossible to keep from grinning. The way he said it, she could _hear_ the smile in his voice. _Goddess, get it together, Organa._

  
**═══════════════**  


As a general rule, Han detested any sort of formal wear. And he hated the events that required such clothes. So logic dictated that the last thing he ought to be doing right now was enjoying himself. Seated next to the minister’s wife and charged with the task of charming her, the dinner wasn’t torture. Kea Ekwash was interesting enough—certainly better than the last politician he’d had to entertain for the sake of Her Worship’s rebellion. But the real entertainment was watching Leia. Flirting with her for the sake of their cover, laughing with her. Being able to observe her without being chewed out or getting an earful from Chewie. It was always interesting to watch her in these situations. He was so used to seeing her in fatigues and flight suits, getting her hands dirty with the rest of the rank and file. You’d have never guessed she was royalty.

That was until he saw her slip into some expensive dress and twist her hair up into some elaborate style. He couldn’t quite pinpoint what made the difference. Perhaps it was the set of her shoulders or the lift of her chin. Whatever it was, she slid into all like a second skin. She was on familiar ground; this was her element. But the more he watched her, the more convinced he was that something wasn’t quite right. The second skin seemed to chafe and irritate her. Though it had taken him this long to finally notice it. Her smile was just a bit too tight. Her laugh a little too stiff. One had to be familiar with her real smile and deep and mesmerizing sound of her true, unbridled laughter. _That_ was a sight to behold. 

He got the distinct impression she’d rather be in the middle of a shoot out or elbow deep in the innards of a Y-Wing right now. She put on a good Sabacc face, sure but to anyone that knew her, it was clear she just wasn’t… _comfortable_. But ever the good soldier, she went where she was needed without complaint, regardless of her own personal desires. 

A sharp pain shot up his shin and Leia cocked her eyebrow at him. _Shit._ He’d been staring. The minister and his wife were staring at him too. He quickly thought through the conversation. _So what made you give up smuggling and join the good fight, Captain Organa?_

Heat crept uncomfortably up the back of his neck. He cleared his throat and sat a little straighter. “Same person that’s gonna get you to join, Minister,” he said, giving Minister Ekwash and his wife a lopsided smile.

Kea chuckled. “Oh?” 

“That woman right there,” he said, turning his smile to Leia, his heart giving a sharp squeeze. She was still on his ass about enlisting. At this point, he didn’t even know why he still hadn’t enlisted yet. He’d never left after touching down on Yavin IV. _Jabba, that’s why._ “Isn’t anyone else more committed or believes more in their work than my Leia. If anyone’s capable of taking on the Empire and _winning_ , it’s her, Minister.” Han couldn’t tell for sure in the candlelight but it would seem like Leia became flushed.

“Well, our rebellion wouldn’t be anywhere without our pilots that brave blockades and risk Imperial capture to bring us the supplies we need,” she said, fluttering her eyelashes and smiling at him with that smile. Her _real_ smile. Or at least, that’s what he’d like to believe. He could almost believe her words. A quiet wave of ‘ohhhh’s and ‘awwwwww’s and delighted titters went around the table.

“Of course it’d be so much easier if we could get regular shipments of fuel,” Han said, turning back to the minister with a crooked grin. Sorvae’s laugh boomed and echoed off the marble tile. Just then an aide scurried in and bent between the minister and Leia, distress clearly evident on the young woman’s face. “Grand Moff Sundar is here, Sir,” she whispered. Han’s stomach clenched.

Leia’s face noticeably paled but never once did she look panicked or frightened. She simply smiled and graciously thanked their hosts before pushing back from the table. He quickly followed suit.

  
**═══════════════**  


The telltale clatter of Stormtrooper armor echoed around the corner at the far end of the hall. Leia’s heart clenched before it began pounding in her chest. They couldn’t go back and there was no other exit. _Think, Organa._ Her heart was going to crack a rib, she was sure of it. _Think._ Voices distorted over tinny speakers. _THINK._ An alcove.

She yanked Han into the recessed space. “Kiss me,” she demanded, hands fisting in the lapels of his jacket. It was stupid and desperate but it might just be stupid enough to work.

“ _What?!_ ” Bushy eyebrows knitted together above confused hazel eyes. 

“Kiss me.” _Trust me._ She stared up at him, silently begging him. There was no time. No better option. 

And then his hand was cupping her face, his lips on hers. His callouses gently scraped against her skin but his lips were soft and warm. The scent of his aftershave overwhelmed her sense of smell, but she could still detect the faintest hint of engine grease under it all. That comforting smell that was purely _Han_. Despite everything, heat pooled low in her stomach. He tasted of fine wine and sugary desserts and a different kind of desperation filled her. A _hunger_. She wanted to know what he _really_ tasted like. What his tongue would feel like against hers. 

His other hand went around her waist and she slipped a hand inside his jacket, her “engagement” ring catching on his lapel. Goddess, he was so _warm_. Like fire ran through his veins rather than blood. She snaked a hand around his back, pulling him closer. She needed him closer. Her body bowed against his as seemed to agree. His fingers tangled in her hair and a small whimper escaped her throat. She didn’t care. Electric currents seemed to thrum under her skin. It felt so good. All of it, all of it felt so good. So _right_. It shouldn’t feel like this. Somewhere, she distantly registered the sound of boots against marble. They didn’t stop. 

Han was the one to eventually break it. He pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers before briefly pressing his lips to hers. Tenderly—the action lacking the heat and hunger from moments ago. Swallowing audibly, he pulled back, dropping the hand on her face but he still rested the other on her waist. Taking a shaky breath, Leia forced herself to open her eyes. She peered up at him through her eyelashes, not sure what to expect. 

Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t that same awed gaze as earlier. Anger, sure. Even hunger and heat wouldn’t have surprised her. But this was almost worshipful. Heat pricked at the back of her neck at the intensity. _Goddess._ She swallowed hard. 

And then he blinked and seemed to get a hold of himself. He gently pressed her against the wall holding up his hand as he checked the hallway. She knew it was all clear by the way his shoulders relaxed before he even said anything. “All clear,” he said looking back at her with a giddy grin, like he couldn’t believe it worked. She couldn’t either. “Let’s get outta here.” 

“Wait. You have—you have lipstick on your—” Why it even mattered to her, she wasn’t sure. An Imperial Moff was walking around the building. But he just rolled his eyes and leaned forward to allow her to wipe the red smudges from his face, the corners of his mouth upturned. She gently cupped his jaw and dragged the pad of her thumb across his lower lip. 

“Better?” he asked, smirking down at her. Heat rose up her neck and for once she couldn’t come up with something clever to say. So she just nodded and hoped he didn’t sense the fact that she wanted to melt through the floor. He chuckled and grabbed her hand, looking around the corner once more before pulling her out of the alcove. “C’mon, Princess.” 

At this point in the night, she didn’t fight the way his fingers threaded through hers as they rushed through the winding halls of the government compound to the secreted land speeder.

  
**═══════════════**  


“Here, take this,” Han said, shrugging off his dinner jacket and draping it around her shoulders. She opened her mouth to argue but he cut her off with a raised finger. “Don’t argue. S’cold and you’re in nothin’ but scraps.” She glared at him but didn’t protest. Her dress wasn’t _scraps_ but it didn’t do much to protect her from the cold either.

“Thank you,” she murmured, slipping her arms through the sleeves and pulling the garment tighter around her shoulders. He grunted, straddling the speeder and turning the engines over. She resisted the urge to bury her nose in the collar as she climbed on behind him, sitting sideways. _Damned dress_. She wrapped her arms around his waist, splaying her hands across his stomach. Whether it was a trick of the wind suddenly roaring in ears or his breathing hitched. 

They didn’t even make it two minutes out of the compound before they were being pursued by Stormtroopers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ~~Nearly six months later~~ I have finally finished the second and last chapter of this fic. Thank you for your continued patience, JakkuPrincess. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! I did my best to keep the angst light but some invariably snuck in. I did try to make sure it was all resolved within the work though and I added in lots of fluff to pad it. 
> 
> In true disaster bi fashion, I have taken backstory and characters from both Legends and Disney canon. There are brief mentions of a relationship with Amilyn Holdo, though it's left up to the reader how they want to interpret it, either platonic or romantic. And there are allusions to an abusive childhood, but it's brief.
> 
> Leia also experiences an anxiety attack so take care when interacting with this work.

Leia slammed the side of her fist against the wall in a desperate attempt to ground herself. But if the throbbing pain in her head wasn’t enough to keep her anxiety at bay, no amount of wall punching could. She squeezed her eyes shut as her world swayed and shifted, forcing herself to take a deep breath.

_You are not on the **Tantive IV**._

The _Falcon_ shook as its shields deflected blasts from Imperial ships.

_You are on the **Millennium Falcon.** Vader is not here._

_You don’t know that._

_Fuck off. We’re safe. Any second we’re going to jump to lightspeed. We are not about to be boarded. We will not be taken prisoner. We will not be interrogated._

She repeated the facts to herself on a loop, over and over, desperate appeals of logic to something that was completely illogical. The tightness in her chest didn’t ease, nor did the tension in her muscles. She was a tightly coiled spring, ready to come undone at the slightest provocation; with all of her carefully crafted defenses crumbling to nothing but dust and ash.

The _Falcon_ lurched into hyperspace and Leia was thrown to the metal decking. Everything ached and the walls of the corridor spun. She cursed under her breath.

Han’s voice rang through the corridor, bouncing around the inside of her skull. “I told y’to strap in!” She winced.

“Yeah, well if you can make the walls stop spinning, I will,” she said as she tried to push herself off the floor. She slipped, her elbow connecting painfully with the metal decking as a wave of nausea swept over her. _No. You will **not** throw up. It is forbidden._

“Doesn’t really matter ‘nymore,” he huffed, his hands closing around her waist.

Her anxiety soared, her heart pounding as memories of being roughly hauled off the ground flashed through her mind.

“No!” she screeched, scrambling away from him. “Don’t touch me!” A durasteel band tightened around her chest as she pressed her back to the wall, hugging her legs to her chest and burying her face in her knees. “Don’t touch me,” she gasped, fighting to breathe.

“Okay, okay,” he said, his voice low and soft. “I’m sorry, ‘m not gonna touch you. Promise.”

She nodded, trying to push back the overwhelming memories of bruising hands and mechanical breathing. Distorted voices and pain. Unbelievable pain. Her ragged breathing echoed off the corridor walls and her head throbbed in time with the rapid beat of her heart. A pain far too familiar. _You hit your head. That’s not Vader._ A sob tore out of her throat.

 _Not Vader. Not Vader. Not Vader. Not Vader. Not Vader._ Leia repeated the phrase over and over until the individual words ceased to have any meaning. _This will pass. This will pass. This will pass._

And it did—the minutes may have dragged by, but the tightness in her chest eventually lessened, her breathing eased, and her heart slowed. Her head however, throbbed worse than ever.

The metal plating creaked nearby and she lifted her head from her knees, hurriedly wiping her face as she grimaced down at the mess of makeup, snot, and tears that now stained the skirt of her dress. Han sat opposite her, leaning against the wall as he rolled his wedding band between his fingers. He gestured to her dress, “Y’ready to get outta that thing or d’you need a minute?”

Not only was her dress ruined, the seams were digging into her thighs and her corset was uncomfortably tight. She nodded, managing to give him a small smile. “I’m ready,” she said, kicking her heels off to the side.

“Uh-oh, the heels have come off,” he said, giving her lopsided grin as he slipped the ring back on his finger and pushed himself to his feet. He held out his hands to her, “C’mon, Your Worship.”

She rolled her eyes, immediately regretting as nausea roiled in her stomach. Probably better to take his hands than wind up on her ass again.

 _Definitely the right move_. The corridor swayed around her as he pulled her up and she listed to the side. His arm went around her waist and her hand fisted in the front of his shirt. “Kriff,” she muttered, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Y’got your head pretty good earlier. Y’alright?” She felt him shift, could feel him tense. “Isit alright if I leave my arm here? Don’t want you fallin’ again.”

Leia nodded, biting her tongue as she forced herself to breathe deeply. His arm around her tightened and she tried to fight back a rising wave of nausea. _You will not throw up on Han._

“I think I have a concussion,” she said, slowly opening her eyes once the nausea subsided.

Han snorted, shaking his head as he smiled down at her. “What was your first clue, Highness?” he said softly.

“Fuck off,” she muttered, her words softened by the curl of her mouth and the warmth blooming in her chest.

He smiled, shifting his hold on her slightly. “Nah, someone’s gotta look after you,” he said, taking a step and nudging her down the corridor.

Leia leaned against him, letting him guide her towards the crew quarters as she ducked her head in an attempt to hide her growing smile. Whether it was the concussion or just sheer exhaustion, she was beginning to think it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to let him take care of her for a little. Just this once.

“Alright, hop up there,” he said, loosening his hold on her waist as he waved on some lights. She squinted against the bright light, a searing pain lancing through her head.

“Can you dim those, please?” she murmured, raising her hand to shield her eyes.

“Kriff, yeah.” Somehow he managed to still keep a hand at her back and adjust the light settings. “Sorry.”

She blinked, her mind taking a little too long to recognize where they were. _The medbunk._ Leia wrinkled her nose and made a disgusted noise in the back of her throat.

“I know. Just wanna do a quick scan, make sure it’s nothin’ more ‘n a concussion,” he said, gently pushing her towards the bunk.

“Fair enough,” she muttered, unable to find the energy to protest. He kept a hand on her arm until she was safely seated before going to rummage around for the mediscanner.

Leia leaned against the side of the bunk, resting her forehead against the cool metal and closing her eyes. A bone deep exhaustion settled over her, every ache and sore muscle receding into the background as the throbbing in her head dominated her attention. _Ouch._ Distantly, she registered a rapid succession of beeps indicating a completed scan. “Well?” she asked, not bothering to open her eyes.

“Concussion and some bruising.” A clatter and a drawer sliding shut.

She opened her eyes just enough to get a look at him as she raised an eyebrow, the corner of her mouth turning up. “Is it really a mission if no one’s bruised?”

Han snorted, throwing her a smirk over his shoulder. “Guess you’re right. Need anything for pain? Nauseous?”

Leia chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment; between taking something and throwing up, she supposed medication was the lesser of two evils. “Something for nausea, yeah. Please,” she added on.

He nodded, rifling through the drug drawer and shaking a pill out of a bottle before pulling out a bottle of water. “Alright, stay there,” he said, handing her the medicine and water. “I’m gonna go get your bag.”

She intended to say ‘wait’, but it just came out as an unintelligible gurgle as water dribbled out of her mouth. Han stopped halfway out into the corridor, cocking an eyebrow and she could just tell by the quirk of his lips that he was just barely holding back a laugh. _Bastard._ She swallowed and dried her face before adopting her haughtiest royal voice. “Is that an _order_ , Captain?”

 _That_ did it; a short bark of laughter escaped his lips before he tried (and failed) to compose himself. Finally, he settled on a crooked grin. “It can be.”

Thankfully, Leia caught herself before she rolled her eyes this time, ignoring the fluttering in her stomach and whatever it could possibly mean. She pushed herself up onto unsteady feet but remained upright without having to brace against anything. “Well, I am not staying in the medbunk,” she said, raising her chin.

With his grin still in place, Han shook his head slightly. “As you wish, Your Highnessness,” he said, offering her his arm with a mock bow. “I’ll walk y’back to crew quarters then.”

“Thank you,” she sniffed, gathering her skirts in one hand and ignoring his outstretched arm in favor of sliding hers around his waist. Standing was one thing, walking was an entirely different matter. One she did not trust herself with at all.

Han followed suit, pulling her into his side with a hand on her waist. She shivered against his warmth, allowing herself to lean into his solid form as they walked back to the crew cabin in silence.

“About the only time I wish you’d rip my clothes off,” she said, smirking up at him as he led her to the side of the bunk. The thought of standing here for another hour as he unbuttoned the cursed dress was _not_ appealing.

“Dunno about ripping,” he said, letting go of her and reaching into his pocket. “But _cutting_...” Han held up a pair of medic scissors with a self-satisfied smile.

Leia sagged in relief, resting against the wall. “Oh, I could kiss you.” The words tumbled out of her mouth, a flush rising up her neck as they finally caught up with her. She turned around, bracing both hands against the top of the bunk and tipped her head forward, hoping he wouldn’t run too far with them.

“Wouldn’t catch me sayin’ no to that,” he murmured, his fingers brushing across the back of her neck. She couldn’t stop the shiver that raced down her spine.

“Get me out of this thing first, Flyboy, and then we’ll talk.” _Goddess, Organa, get your shit together and stop playing with fire._

Han snorted softly, his breath playing across her skin as she heard the first snipping sounds. His knuckles were warm against her back as he kept his free hand between her and the scissors. The warmth disappeared once he made it past her corset and the dress slowly began to loosen.

“There,” he said, tossing the scissors down on the bunk, “ought to be able to get it off.” She pulled her arms from the sleeves and pushed the dress over her hips, letting it fall to the ground. He held out his hand and steadied her as she stepped out of the pool of fabric before kicking it into the corner.

“Need help with the corset or are y’good?” he asked, letting go of her hand and keeping his eyes firmly on her face.

Leia smiled, leaning back against the bunk. “I’ve got it from here, but thank you.”

He nodded, shifting from foot to foot with an apprehensive look on his face. “Y’mind if I wait out there until you’re in bed?”

Again, Leia just barely kept herself from rolling her eyes. She tried to ignore the warmth building in her chest from his continued concern. “If you insist, Nerfherder,” she said, offering him a smile.

His shoulders visibly relaxed as he smiled back. “Oh, I do,” he said, practically swaggering as he walked out into the corridor and around the corner.

She chuckled, shaking her head slightly as she began shedding her undergarments, tossing her corset and stockings to the corner one by one.

“Dammit,” she muttered, tearing through her overnight bag and pulling things out.

“Y’alright?” he called, an edge in his voice.

“Yeah, I just...can’t...find my sleep clothes.”

“Here,” he said after a few more moments of her desperately emptying her bag, “take this.” His hand appeared in the hatchway, holding his white button up.

She glared at it before sighing. _Better than sleeping in fatigues._ “Thank you,” she said, taking it from him and slipping her arms through the sleeves with a wince. Han’s scent settled around her as she buttoned the shirt, easing her lingering anxiety and soothing her frayed nerves.

As she resisted the urge to run her nose along the collar, she was hit with the realization that somewhere over the past two and half years, she’d come to associate the smell of spacer soap and engine grease with comfort and safety. “What is _wrong_ with you?” she muttered to herself.

“Huh?”

Leia jumped, having momentarily forgotten Han was sitting outside her door. “Nothing. Sorry, just talking to myself.” _Because that sounds better._ She rolled her eyes at herself and nausea rolled in her stomach as the floor swayed under her. _Dammit._

“D’you answer back?” Leia didn’t need to see his face to know he wore a gentle teasing smile.

“Sometimes.” She grabbed her beauty bag and settled on the bunk, a small smile pulling at her own lips as she pulled the covers over her legs. “Alright, I’m in bed; you can stop worrying now.”

Han rounded the corner, leaning against the hatchway with the same smile she’d had in her mind a few moments ago. Though it softened as he watched her start pulling pins from her hair. There was something in his eyes...not sadness but _something._ “Always worry about you,” he said quietly, rubbing his thumb across his jaw.

Leia cast her eyes down, chewing on her lip as she tried not to read too much into his words while her stomach flipped and twisted. A hiss escaped her throat, her neck twinging as she tipped it forward.

“Y’alright?” Her eyes flicked up to his, his worry clearly plastered all over his face.

“Yeah, just sore.” And tired. _So tired_ , with too many pins and braids between her and sleep. She eyed Han, an idea forming in her mind but a voice that sounded suspiciously like her aunties’ raged against the idea.

_No. You know what that means; the weight it holds._

_Oh, it’s just this once. And it’s not like it’s just anyone. It’s **Han**_.

“Your brain’s gonna overheat if you keep thinking like that, Princess,” he said, the corner of his mouth turning up in a smirk.

She chewed on her lip, ignoring his jibe. “Would you help me take my hair down?”

She’d never seen him drop a smirk so fast. “Uh...yeah, s-sure. Sure,” he said, pushing off the hatchway. “Is that...allowed?”

“‘Allowed’?,” she echoed, her brows knitting together. “I’m asking aren’t I?” Did that not imply consent?

“Well yeah. But...never seen you with your hair undone. Thought it had some kind of—” Leia had to bite her lip to keep from laughing as he continued to stumble over his words, his expression becoming more and more flustered with each passing word. “Didn’t think it was...thought it went against your—“

“It’s fine, Han,” she said, finally taking pity on him with a wry smile. “My aunts would be rolling over in their graves, but I have about half a kilo of pins in here and I’d like to sleep sometime in the next few hours.” And then a different thought occurred to her. “Of course, if you’d rather not—“

“No, no! That’s not—I do! I do; just wanted to…dunno. Guess I wasn’t expectin’ it,” he finished, rubbing the back of his neck with a self-conscious smile.

She smiled back at him, her cheeks heating slightly. “You’ll probably regret those words; it’s terribly tedious.”

“Nah,” he said, finally stepping inside the cabin and crossing to the bunk. “Never mind helpin’ you.”

Leia ducked her head as she scooted down further in the bed to give him room to sit behind her. “Thank you,” she murmured.

“Don’t mention it, Princess,” he said quietly, the mattress dipping as he settled behind her. His confusion was nearly palpable with the only sound being fabric rustling as he shifted and fidgeted. “So...I just...pull ‘em out?”

Her smile grew; from the tone of his voice, one would have thought she’d asked him to defuse a thermal detonator. “Yes,” she said, feeling around the twists and curls for a cluster of pins. “Start here.”

“Okay,” he grunted. “Lemme know if I hurt you. Gonna try to be gentle.”

“I know,” she said, having no doubt that he would be gentle. Probably even more gentle than she was. Warmth fizzled through her veins and settled in her chest as his fingers brushed against her scalp.

She started taking pins out of the opposite side, throwing them down on the blanket and unraveling her hair, pulling her fingers through it as she went.

“ _Damn_ ,” he whispered, managing to make the swear sound more awed and reverential than a prayer. She hummed, twisting to throw him a questioning look over her shoulder.

“Your hair is so long,” he murmured, not looking up at her. She couldn’t be sure, but it felt as though he was running a lock of hair through his fingers. Heat rose up her cheeks just imagining it. _Goddess, Aunt Celly would have your hide._

_He doesn’t know any better._

“Soft too.”

Leia snorted, barely catching herself from rolling her eyes as she resumed pulling out pins. “It’s like straw right now; I haven’t been able to put a proper mask on it in years,” she said, frowning as she examined her split ends.

“‘Mask’?”

“Um,” she said, shaking her head slightly. There were infinitely more important things than her dull hair right now. “Yeah, like a hydrating mask. Usually cream or oil. Keeps it healthy and moisturized and repairs damage. My mom and Winter, we’d make a big night out of it once a month. We’d do hot oil treatments and watch ridiculous holos with our hair up in braids and these thermal wraps around our heads,” she said, smiling to herself even as her heart ached in her chest. “Amilyn would help me when I was in Coruscant and I’d help her dye her hair some new wild color.” She shook her head, idly wondering what shade her friend’s hair was now, if she’d changed it. Leia cleared her throat, pushing the memories aside. “Sorry, you didn’t ask for all that.” Clearly exhaustion and her concussion were getting to her if she was prattling on about hair treatments.

“No, no. Don’t apologize, don’t mind hearing about it,” he said quietly. A large braid swung free, brushing her back. “Want me to untie it?” She could feel him playing with it, probably running his hands over the rounded ridges.

“Yes, thank you,” she said, pulling out more pins and casting them aside. She heard the snap of the elastic before it was added to the growing pile of pins and then Han was gently pulling the strands apart. She closed her eyes for a moment, focusing on the soft pull as he ran his fingers through the braid. Goddess, she’d nearly forgotten how good it felt to let someone else take down her hair. His hands in her hair and his fingers brushing her scalp eased the lingering tension in her shoulders.

“Y’alright?” he asked, an edge of concern in his voice.

She tilted her head to the side. “Hmm?”

“You stopped pullin’ pins out.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry,” she murmured, reaching up to take more out.

“Don’t mean it like that, Princess,” he said, a smile in his voice. “I don’t mind finishing the rest but are y’alright? Not feeling sick or something?”

“No, I’m fine. I’m…” _Great._ She pushed that thought away, not wanting to examine why she was comfortable with this. Why she was wishing he’d do this every night. “Are you sure you don’t mind finishing the rest?” she asked hesitantly, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

Han snorted. “Yeah, ‘m sure. I uh...kinda…like it,” he said haltingly.

Even if her hair was already half down, she was fairly sure he could see the flush that rose up to the tips of her ears, sweat prickling at the back of her neck. _Oh dear Goddess._

“Was that—should I’ve not said that? ‘M sorry, didn’t mean it that—in any kind of way.”

She blew out a soft chuckle, shaking her head. “It’s alright.”

“Hey, don’t laugh,” he teased, though she detected a hint of vulnerability under his easy tone.

“I swear I’m not laughing at you,” she said, smiling as she hugged her legs to her chest. “In another lifetime, everyone—including myself—would have been thoroughly scandalized at the thought of letting you take my hair down.” A giggle bubbled up in her throat as she imagined the look on her aunties’ faces upon finding out she’d let someone outside the family take her hair down. And then her words caught up to her and her stomach dropped as she realized how he might take her choice of words. “I don’t mean—it’s not _you_. I don’t mean it like that, letting _anyone_ take it down. Anyone that’s not family or—letting someone outside the familial structure, it’s—” _Way to go, Organa. See if you can’t shove your foot in your mouth a little more._ She sighed heavily, wincing as her ribs protested. She swallowed, searching for the best way to explain it to him without making it sound like some kind of declaration. “Hair carries a certain significance in Alderaanian culture, it’s more than just… _hair_. It’s a symbol, an outward manifestation of your soul.” _Like **that’s** not going to send him running._ “For anyone that’s not immediate family...letting someone else take care of it...it carries a certain… _weight_. It—” She stopped when he placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently.

“I think I understand, Princess,” he said softly, his tone warm.

She exhaled, closing her eyes as she slid her hand over his. This wasn’t some big statement, but letting him take her hair down still meant something to her. “I wouldn’t let just anyone do this,” she said, her voice frustratingly thick.

And the ones she would have were precious few these days. He squeezed her shoulder once more and she dropped her hand, blinking back tears. “I know,” he murmured, returning to carefully picking pins out of her hair, unwinding them and letting the strands slip through his fingers.

Leia nodded and took a deep breath, resting her cheek atop her knees. As she focused on the soft tugging of her scalp and soothing sensation of his hands in her hair, drowsiness settled heavy in her limbs. Her heart was slow and steady, her breathing evening out and deepening. His gentleness rivaled Ami’s, and at some point after she briefly explained how to brush out the tangles, Leia must have fallen asleep, the repetitive motion lulling her into a sense of security and safety.

Han rubbed a hand up and down her back, pulling her back into consciousness. “Leia, wake up.” She groaned. “C’mon, Sweetheart,” he coaxed, “can’t let y’sleep like this.” The bunk creaked and metal decking echoed her groan as he stood, a hand on her shoulder pushing her back. She let him lead her down, a hand cradling her head and neck before he pulled the covers over her. “Comm me if y’need something, alright?”

She reached out, grasping his wrist. “Stay,” she murmured, her voice rough as she pulled him back towards the bunk. She wasn’t sure why, but the thought of him leaving her alone spiked her anxiety, her pulse pounding in her ears. “Please.” She chanced a glance up at him, peeking at him through her lashes.

He rubbed the back of his neck with his other hand, glancing between her and the hatchway as he gnawed on his lip. She squeezed his wrist once in lieu of pleading like a small child again. A corner of his mouth turned up. “That an order, Major?”

“Maybe,” she said, unable to keep the answering smile off her face.

“Alright, just lemme get the lights,” he murmured, catching her hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go.

Leia nodded, keeping an eye on him as he ran a hand over the control panel but left the door open. She pressed her back to the wall, giving him room as he toed off his shoes and climbed in bed next to her, close enough to feel his radiant body heat but not quite touching.

“Y’alright?” he murmured, turning to look at her as she burrowed deeper into the covers, pulling her hair out from under her.

She hummed about to open her mouth when she realized her fingers were closed around a braid and not a wild mane of loose hair. “You braided my hair.” There was just enough illumination from the base lights that she could see his smile.

“I did,” he said, not bothering to hide the pride in his voice. “Not the one y’usually sleep in though.”

She shifted, her knees brushing the soft fabric of his dress pants. “I didn’t know you could braid hair.”

“Wasn’t sure I could either,” he admitted, turning onto his side so he didn’t have to crane his neck to look at her. “Never braided hair before.”

She did her best to raise an eyebrow at this angle. “Then what _were_ you braiding?”

He bit his lip, mouth quirking up into an impish smile. “Bread.”

That only confused her more as she tried to figure out how one possibly braided _bread_ before she remembered the sweet Challah loaves they used to eat on Alderaan for the holidays. “You _bake_?”

“Hey, don’t sound so surprised,” he said with a grin, reaching up to tap the tip of her nose. “‘M a sentient of many talents, Princess.”

She wrinkled her nose, trying to comprehend a galaxy in which Han Solo knew how to bake. “Where in nine hells did you learn to _bake_?”

Han tsked, managing to sound like one of her old governesses as he tucked a hand under his head, his knees bumping against hers as he settled into his new position. “Think you’re gonna have to buy me a drink for that story,” he teased.

Leia fought back another eye roll, settling on gently kicking him under the covers instead. “I think we’re far past the point of drinks, Captain.”

He grinned, nudging her back. “Not gonna argue with that.”

She studied his face as he chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment, seemingly searching for words as his eyes roamed her own face. “‘S not that exciting really. When I was a kid, couldn’t have been more’n three or four, this guy brought me off the streets. That was his thing—takin’ in orphans and teachin’ ‘em to run scams and pickpockets and beg. That sorta thing. Had this whole hierarchy,” he murmured, his brow furrowing and mouth turning down at the corners. Leia fought the urge to reach up and smooth the furrow with her thumb, tried not to think about how his cheek had felt under her hand earlier in the evening. He shook his head slightly. “Anyway, he had this cook, an old Wookiee named Dewlanna.” A corner of his mouth turned up, the lines around his eyes softening as he remembered, chuckling softly. “Dunno why, but she took it upon herself to look after me. Kept me outta trouble when she could.”

“I’m sure that was a full-time job,” Leia whispered teasingly, biting her lip as she realized she’d interrupted. Han didn’t seem to mind though, just smiled and nudged her with his knee.

“Sure didn’t stop me from findin’ it anyway,” he said, features darkening before he shook his head again, eyes returning hers. “She taught me a lot of things, not just cookin’ and bakin’. Stuff like history and maths and science. Shrike didn’t want us too educated, but she was determined to give me as good an education as she could. Was always sneakin’ me textbook chips and makin’ sure I studied ‘em.”

Leia couldn’t help the wide smile on her face as he talked, tone warm and features fond. “She sounds like a special being,” she murmured, imagining a weathered Wookiee looking after and fussing over a small Han.

“She was. Saved my life more’n once,” he said, swallowing audibly.

Leia wasn’t sure if it was the way his voice thickened as he voiced that admission or the way he bit down on his lip after, a lost look in his eyes. Either way, she found herself reaching up to rest her hand on his cheek as she leaned in. His eyes snapped to hers but he didn’t pull back or push her away so she closed her eyes and brushed her lips against his. She pulled back a mere centim before he followed her, his lips every bit as soft and warm as she remembered. But in place of heat and passion, there was tenderness and vulnerability as his mouth moved against hers slowly, his hand finding her waist under the covers.

He was the first to pull away again, though he still lingered, leaving the softest of kisses against her lips. She swallowed, not quite ready to pull away or open her eyes to his yet. “I’m glad you had her growing up,” she murmured. _Glad someone took care of you._ The galaxy could be a cruel and unforgiving place, and she knew his upbringing had left its scars, but she was glad he’d known the love of someone that cared for him.

Han swallowed and pressed a kiss to her forehead, squeezing her waist. “Me too,” he whispered against her skin. Finally, he pulled away, using the hand on her side to gently push her back. “Y’should sleep, Princess.”

“I know,” she said, pulling her hand back and resting it between them as she smiled up at him. She caught her lip between her teeth, hating the question that popped into her mind, insecurity suddenly clawing at her insides.

His brow furrowed again and he reached up to run his knuckles along her cheek. “S’wrong?”

“You’ll stay...right?” Heat rose in her cheeks as she looked away.

“Yeah,” he murmured, taking his hand away from her face and placing it over hers, squeezing it reassuringly. “”M not goin’ anywhere.”

Her eyes met his again, taking in the warm and tender way he regarded her. She nodded, pulling her hand out from under his and placing it on top, slipping her other one in its place and threading her fingers through his as she held his hand between hers.

With one last squeeze, Leia closed her eyes, burrowing further into the bunk—and if it brought her any closer to Han, neither of them mentioned it.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, a **huge** thank you to my lovely beta, [Elle.](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elle_vee/pseuds/elle_vee) Thank you for all the wonderful comments, laughs, and love <3


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